The way you act when your with me and the way you act when your not are so different they scare me. Is this how she feels is this what she thinks about cause its not healthy and its driving me crazy and I need to get out of this situation but I love you...

why is it that I can always see what other people are doing wrong, and now I can see what im doing wrong but i cant stop myself from continuing to do it and it hurts and its lame and I just want to move away and be a different person, a strong person, and a person that is happy with who she is because she does everything in her power to make herself a better person.

When the lights turn off at night I should be able to think about friviloous things and fun people and what I'm going to do the next day but instead I think about how badly I am potentially fucking up a relationship that I'm not even in and how much I ate that day. I think about the amount of crunches and miles I'd have to run to work off those chips and that soda...but i keep eating and I keep drinking...and I keep sleeping with ppl that have significant others.

This is my life. I dont like. I dont want it. and maybe this is a new beginning...but probably not because I'll be home again in two weeks and I'll do all the same things and see all the same people and feel equally terrible as I do now.